what do a fearless grandpa, patronizing grandma, transportationless mom, vacationing aunt, carefree sister and thrillseeking 4-year-old in five hours' worth of fun-under-the-grueling-sun mean? it must be the Elkhart County 4H Fair!
in my third appearance at the nation's third largest county fair (yes, it opened last friday), i was accompanied by the above and somehow managed to limit myself to a taco salad, mini donuts and a frozen pepsi, all outrageously overpriced. if i'd been paying for it, i'd probably be really upset. but the patronizing grandma took care of it, and we all started out as happy as clams once our stomachs were full.
the first stop was the poultry barn. let me just say that any smell at the fair not directly resulting from food should be accompanied by fair warning and gas masks. one magnificent addition to the fair this year was the handwashing stations sprinkled throughout the grounds. nothing like farm animal dander and other matter to top off the finger-licking good elephant ear experience.
then after lunch, consisting of mini donuts and some bites of pork bbq for the 4-year-old, we ventured on to the ronald mcdonald show. the seating was pretty full, but elijah (a.k.a. four-year-old) had no problem squirming his way to the very front, at times venturing onto the steps of the stage in plain view of everyone but with no apparent trepidation. at one point, ronald asked for a volunteer, and of course all the kids raised their hands to be called on. elijah cautiously took a few steps up the stairs, only to hear ronald call up a girl "with the number 15 on her shirt." dejectedly, he descended the steps to stand in front of them, hanging his head inspecting the obvious absence of the number 15 on his orange and blue striped shirt. grandma finally made her way to the front as well and coaxed him a few feet away from the stage. at the end of the, er, rousing show, ronald asked for 30 "helpers" for a song, and thankfully elijah already had about 5 steps on the other kids in getting in line from his position directly in front of the stage. sam (a.k.a. transportationless mom) had shown up by this point and had the joy of witnessing elijah's debilitating lack of coordination. he never seemed to notice that he was always clapping while the other kids were swaying or stomping, etc.
at last came what turned out to be the attraction of the day. no, not snow cones. no, not roller coasters. no, not train rides or cotton candy or even spending time with aunt mandy. TURTLES, of course. as he'll tell you, he's "really into them right now." we spent what must have been 45 minutes standing around two giant snapping turtles and various others while the crowds came and went. at least it was under a tree in the shade. mom (a.k.a. patronizing grandma) got so verklempt over a turtle who kept trying to get out of the pool to no avail that she went over to the turtle tender to see if he could do anything. he hopped in the fence and plopped the flailing turtle on to the sand. in no more than 2 minutes, there was the turtle, easing back into the pool.
on we went to the rides at about 2:30, 15 minutes from the time we were supposed to be leaving to get elijah to tae kwon do at the Y. the best laid plans ... mom spent $12 for 12 tickets. each ride was one ticket. first up, the helicopters. elijah got in with a little boy and a little girl and started spinning around, close to the ground. pretty soon, all the other helicopters were high in the air full of gleeful kids. elijah's stayed near the ground, as did the boy's directly behind him. as the ride neared the end, elijah's purple barney helicopter finally rose to join the others, and he came off the ride instisting that he wanted to "do it again." we found out what all the other little kids found out light years ahead of elijah: push the handle on the seat out, you go down. pull the handle in, you go up. so now we know who the slow kids are. it's kinda depressing but still cute. it probably won't be in a year if the pattern continues.
the fun house was next, which didn't actually involve a lot of fun, but did involve going through it twice as elijah once again insisted he wanted to "do it again." once through with mom and me (a.k.a. vacationing aunt), once through with sam. 6 tickets down, 6 to go.
now it was time for elijah's first roller coaster. sam went with him because he needed to be taller to go by himself. judging by the look on his face as he was thrown side to side going around the curves, she didn't really need to ride. fun of this caliber requires no adult supervision! climbing the obstacle course took a good chunk of time simply because boy genius couldn't figure out where to go once he climbed up the net. finally, an adult followed another little boy onto the course and helped him out. twice through that and 2 tickets to go!
i accompanied him on the neverending carousel, where at first he picked out the red benches, then with a lot of coaxing decided on the zebra. he kept (pretend) whipping the poor thing in the butt to make it go faster and asking "does it hurt him?" always so conscientious. no tickets left, and ready to head home. oh, wait, we're not going home. patronizing grandma has decided to skip the tae kwon do lesson (which will sadly put him no further behind than his hand-eye-coordination already has!) to catch the dog show at 3! this was actually pretty entertaining, but elijah was more caught up in sharing his cherry snow cone with the little girl next to him who was coveting it. we were pretty proud.
after the dog show, surprise, we're off to more rides. oh, after the second stop at the mini donuts. the spinning bears were first up, and the only thing that made it bearable (no pun intended) was focusing on the kids inside and not the spinning. after that, elijah raced to the train, where he made himself at home in the engine, although there were already a dad and his son squeezed inside. it didn't look to comfortable a fit, but who's going to deny him? right next door was an old fashioned car course. he really liked the fact that he was "driving." if he had actually been driving, with the way he was spinning the steering wheel, there would have been nothing left of the course, the cars or the other kids.
teacups were next, and aunt mandy definitely opted out on those. grandpa braved the fire truck ride and survived (amazingly) without vomiting, then it was back to the helicopters with grandma, who, according to elijah, "barely fit" in the seat belt. another trip to the roller coaster with grandpa, who looked like he enjoyed it more than elijah, and the tickets were finally gone!
one last trip to the turtles, a third visit to the mini donuts and an apple dumpling later, and we were on our way home at 5:30. so in all, i finally got a little sun on my face this summer, and of course the memories were priceless. it beats sitting in an office any day.
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