this past week has been honestly one of the best i've had in a long time. it started out with a fun time w/my acct. girls on sunday night, then a nice long chat w/kris over dinner & ice cream that we barely scraped together enough change for. she's an awesome girl who is sweet-natured, caring and almost always upbeat but still struggles with ups and downs. you would never really know it without talking with her in depth but she somehow manages this without being fake. she's just a great girl who i've come to love a lot these past three years!
let me tell you, i don't know what i would do without those jv girls this year. there are a couple girls on varsity who i really get along with, mostly because i've been able to get to know them outside of only cheerleading. i don't know how it would be, but can only imagine it would be a beneficialy thing, if i were to be able to do that with all the girls. jenn is one jv girl who i just love and have been able to stay sane because of. krista is another one.
as i've recently ventured into the world of xanga, i've gotten some glimpses of these girls' hearts in other aspects than just athletics. it's a good thing. a lot of the girls have xanga sites, and i've started to IM with some of them too. i think it just adds another aspect to our relationship, one that's been missing and that i've missed, quite honestly. i can be there as a coach/authority figure, but it doesn't mean much if i'm not in on other areas of their lives. i guess this is one way of God opening up doors for me to get into their lives.
on one hand, it's hard to separate what you know of a person in one area of life and balance it out with the rest of who they are/what they do. i know that who you are in one area is very indicative of who you are truly, but it's also not the ONLY thing you are.
i don't want to make excuses, or forget totally what part of our season felt like, but ... i've been realizing that a lot of the problems we had (i had) with this season were a result of where i was spiritually. i still am dealing with this. i can't help but think that my attitude and responses to things would have helped the girls somewhat to handle things better themselves if i were able to process things through a clearer spiritual lens. i am just now starting to feel like i'm getting things together, though i frustrate myself seemingly every day with steps backward ... or just taking steps to the left or right and not progressing.
i feel like god is trying to get me to consider the option of coaching again next year through some things he's brought to my attention. my relationship with these girls has been so one-dimensional, and i'm to blame i guess. i know that there hasn't been a lot of opportunity during practices or games to get into their lives directly, in a spiritual manner. but i don't know if that means that it's not worth it, or maybe ... um, i should just try harder. it was much easier when i had free reign to address the girls and take opportunities to help them process things.
i've been impressed with a bunch of things lately (last sunday and this, especially) from messages i've heard. love is the theme. how my love needs to be manifested toward others, how god's love toward me is manifested and why i need to love in the first place.
okay, well ... if you all feel so led, i'm putting a link here to my new xanga site. it's teen-friendly, i'll warn you. most of what i put up there i will not be putting on here, but i'll cross-post sometimes i think. it just depends on my mood. this post is definitely not going on there ... for obvious reasons. not that i'm trying to hide anything, but it isn't meant to be a challenge really to anyone else, just myself.
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