Divine deluge

so waking up at 7:45 because the power went off and my alarm clock, complete with pseudo-battery backup, failed to go off was not a stellar start to the day yesterday. i walked into our staff meeting less than thrilled to be out of bed, let alone at work and especially going to a meeting!

God dealt with my issues swiftly. i'm not sure if it's the time of year that's so draining and subsequently spiritually pivotal, but we've also just finished a missionary conference focused aggressively, and purposefully, on prayer. at the beginning of our meetings, we always take personal prayer requests from the four of us and pray for two children in each of our three departments. i don't have any idea why God sees fit to drag me, usually kicking and screaming, out of the sludge of my miserable rebellion, but He did it again yesterday.

i actually sat there while we were taking prayer requests admitting to God that i felt even less inclined to pray than i had been to get out of bed. i didn't pray for Him to change it, but i did admit it, to myself and to Him. and fortunately, with no other explanation than i'm an idiot and He's almighty God, that's all it took. midway through cindy's prayer (we all took turns, i was third), it felt like i'd gone into the meeting with any inkling of a proper attitude instead of the one i did. it was eye-opening, to say the least. i kept wondering, as i felt myself becoming more and more in tune with what my coworkers were praying and what i felt God was asking of me, why in the world God was blessing me through my crappy attitude.

i have no idea if the other people in the room could sense what was going on, but i think they had some notion by the way we all came out of that time a little less task-oriented and a little more pliable. i had been thinking about that night's youth group agenda, a concert of prayer, with not much excitement as obligation to follow up on the prayer retreat i'd attended about a month ago. after the meeting, i began to get excited about it.

thinking back on it, i'm sure God was using that morning to get my attention so i would be prepared for that night, when i was supposed to be ministering to others not just gorging my soul on my own spiritual high. i wouldn't have been able to give anything had i gone into the evening with the attitude i'd had in the morning. huh. that's very interesting. i'm thinking as i type, and i usually do it best that way.

i was amazed yesterday to learn once again from what i am (wretched) and who He is (divine.)